The Course You Did Not Choose to Attend

Most parents who end up on a co-parenting course did not go looking for one. A judge ordered it, or a Cafcass adviser referred them, and the letter arrived alongside everything else. If that is you, the first thing worth knowing is that it is not a parenting test. Nobody is assessing whether you are a good enough mother or father.

The second thing worth knowing is that the course will teach you what conflict does to your children. It will not, on its own, teach you how to stop having it. That gap is the reason so many parents finish the programme and find themselves back in the same argument three weeks later.

The Court-Linked Course: Planning Together for Children

In England, the programme parents are referred to is Planning Together for Children. It replaced the Separated Parents Information Programme (SPIP) in 2023. Cafcass commissions it on behalf of the Ministry of Justice, and Action for Children leads delivery.

It has two parts:

• An online course. Videos and activities split into eight short parts, roughly two hours in total. You log in and out at your own pace.
• A live workshop. A Zoom session of about two and a half hours, run by trained facilitators in a small group of around five parents, with breaks.

You and your ex-partner attend separately. You will not be put in the same virtual room, and you are not asked to negotiate with each other during it.

It is free. Because it is funded through Cafcass, parents referred to it pay nothing. You can read the official detail on the Planning Together for Children site.

Who gets referred

Planning Together for Children is for families in private law proceedings, which means disputes between parents about arrangements for children rather than cases involving local authorities. A court can order it, or a Cafcass Family Court Adviser can refer you at any stage of proceedings.

You cannot usually self-refer into the Cafcass-funded version. Parents who want the same content without going to court have to look at private and charity-run alternatives, and those providers set their own fees.

How the Options Compare

Parents often confuse a course with mediation, and confuse both with coaching. They do different jobs.

A course gives you the map. Mediation draws the border. Coaching is what gets you through the next handover without the argument that started this.

Does a Co-Parenting Course Actually Work?

It depends on what you expected from it.

What courses reliably do. They give parents a shared vocabulary. They explain, with evidence, why children carry the weight of adult conflict and why a child hearing one parent criticise the other is being asked to choose. Plenty of parents describe a genuine moment of recognition here.

What courses do not do. They do not change a co-parent who has no interest in changing. They do not stop late messages, cancelled weekends or the comment made at the door. And they cannot rehearse your specific situation, because the facilitator has five other families in the room.

That is the honest limit. Information changes what you understand. It rarely changes what you do under pressure, and handovers are pressure.

If Your Ex-Partner Will Not Engage

This is the most common question parents ask after being referred, and the answer is not satisfying: you cannot make them.

What you can do is narrow the surface area of conflict.

• Move communication to writing. One channel, one thread, no phone calls that leave two versions of what was said.
• Keep messages transactional. Times, dates, kit, medical details. Nothing about the relationship.
• Stop responding at speed. Nothing in a co-parenting message needs an answer inside an hour, apart from a genuine emergency.
• Keep a record. Not to build a case, but because memory is a poor witness when you are exhausted.

None of that requires your ex-partner's cooperation, which is the point. Our practical guide to co-parenting after divorce goes further into the communication strategies that hold up when only one parent is trying.

Where a Divorce Coach Fits

A coach is not a substitute for a court-ordered programme, and any coach who tells you otherwise is selling something. What coaching adds is repetition and specificity.

You work through your actual situation: the message you are about to send, the handover on Friday, the birthday you are dreading, the new partner about to be introduced. You practise responses before you need them rather than improvising while your child watches. And you have somewhere to put the anger that has nowhere else to go, which is usually what leaks into the co-parenting relationship in the first place.

Parents who do both, the programme for the information and coaching for the behaviour, tend to get more out of the programme than parents who do it alone.

Book a free discovery call if you want to talk through your own situation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Planning Together for Children compulsory?

If a court orders you to attend, you are expected to attend. Not doing so is something the court can take into account when deciding arrangements for your children.

Do I have to be in the same session as my ex-partner?

No. Parents attend separately, and the programme is designed so that you are not placed in the same group.

How long does the whole thing take?

Around two hours of online course work at your own pace, plus a live workshop of roughly two and a half hours.

What happened to SPIP?

The Separated Parents Information Programme was replaced by Planning Together for Children in 2023. If someone refers to a SPIP, they usually mean the current programme.

Can I do a co-parenting course without going to court?

Not the Cafcass-funded one. Private providers, charities and mediation services run their own programmes for parents who want the content without proceedings, at their own fee levels.

Will a course help if there has been domestic abuse?

Group information programmes are not designed to address abuse, and safety comes first. Tell your Cafcass adviser or solicitor about any abuse so that arrangements and referrals reflect it.